Sins of the Finances: Chapter 4

It has occurred to me that in the Prologue of this "book" I inadvertently sounded like I never spend money on myself, when really what I meant is that I don't spend money on this body and it's accompanying stuff. I spend money on house stuff, I've spent money on poor planning for regular life purchases, and then there is my weak area: TRIPS. But before I go into detail about my personal trips, let me tell you about some past experiences that have cost me dearly...for WORK.

In my old job, I traveled about 5 times a year. It doesn't sound like that much, except it was usually all in the fall/winter of the year. That makes 5 trips a whole lot closer together. And I may never get over what I consider to be an extremely big personal disadvantage. I was not allowed to have my employer purchase my plane tickets. I purchased all of them -- months in advance -- on my PERSONAL credit card. I charged all work related trip items -- hotels, taxis, meals, everything -- on my personal credit card. And there is NO WAY to recoup months worth of finance charges/interest for this crap. So for 5 years, at ~5 trips a year, I took a major personal hit on my credit card for work purchases and the accompanying finance charges and interest. That fact gets me really riled up. But, I would be remiss if I didn't mention that sometimes when I got those travel reimbursements back (minus those finance charges and interest!), I sometimes did not pay it on the card b/c low and behold (sing it with me: B/C OF POOR PLANNING!) I would need to play catch up. So work would put me behind, and then I would put myself even farther behind. But anyhoo.

In the summer of 2006 I was supposed to go to Puerto Rico for work, and my mom and Elliott were going to go with me. AFTER buying the plane tickets, I found out that I could not take Elliott out of the country since we had not completed his readoption paperwork. So not only did I have to get out of going on this work trip, but now I had two plane tickets already charged to my credit card. I couldn't get a monetary refund, but we could use the tickets toward another flight. Well, we had talked at length about going to NYC one year before Jeb graduated from college. So hey, let's go! Mom, dad and I headed to NYC that December for several days of fun, food and shopping. As you can imagine, a trip to NYC does not come cheap. But we had so much fun! I have to tell you, I do not regret taking that trip. I have great memories of a rare trip of just the 4 of us (b/c we met up with Jeb once we got there), and I got to see the city at Christmastime. Amazing. When I got back, I was sharing my good times with my friends. Our conversation somehow snowballed into planning a girl getaway also to NYC. Well, due to Holly's work/school schedule, February 2007 was a good month. So, I turned around TWO MONTHS LATER and went back to NYC. I know, I know, very stupid. But you know what? I don't regret that trip either. We had a blast! The next summer, for work with my new job, I had the chance to go back to NYC. And though work paid for my plane ticket and hotel, there is no way to eat in NYC on a work per diem. So my CC took another hit. But going to NYC three times in 18 months was awesome. I had so much fun each time, and I can't wait to go back again. I do plan on saving money in advance this time, though. :)

As mentioned previously, our annual trips to PCB usually made a dent or two on the CC except for the past 2-3 years. A little evidence of some sense started to kick in. And then came the 30th birthday trip. The trip that had been talked about since that NYC February 2007 trip. But dang, 2.5 years had passed, and that saving I was going to do for that trip had somehow not happened (cue sarcasm). Oh well, what's another trip on the CC, right? AH, SNAG. Michelle booked the trip. There would be no swiping my favorite piece of silver plastic and paying it off until eternity. What to do? Work out a payment plan with my friends (cue shame). And what about cash for the trip? There are times during traveling when that ole' CC can't be used. Where to get spare cash from? Lightbulb! I CASHED IN MY TWO SAVINGS BONDS FROM HIGH SCHOOL AND ROLLED CHANGE.

I got home from Vegas, and that stack of medical bills was staring at me. I couldn't breathe, and I realized this ridiculousness could not continue. In fact, I had wanted very badly for Doug and me to take a trip this summer for our 10th anniversary -- a trip that we would have to charge. But in returning home from Vegas, I realized just how insane that logic was. So I picked up that Dave book, and the rest, as they say, is history.

I hope this is the last chapter in this book. I hope the only things left to report are how hard we are fighting to claw our way out. And we will get there. Our snowball is already lower from just a few short months of tightening down. I have taken off the blinders, and I have remembered what I have always known. I can't have everything I want, when I want it. My parents worked very hard to teach me that, and I have to stop pretending otherwise.

Writing all this down for anyone to read has been very humiliating, but that was part of the goal. Accountability is a key ingredient. I have worked very hard to retrain my actions. When I see that pretty silver card in my wallet, I scowl at it. And I tell it that I'm not going to take it out and use it. And when I put on my jeans with the button missing, I smile.

Sins of the Finances: Chapter 3

This chapter should just be titled: ELLIOTT. Portrait sessions, clothes each season, holidays, etc. etc. etc. And again I say, all those purchases on the wrong kind of plastic were due to POOR PLANNING. It certainly didn't help that he went to the ER 3 times in the first year (broken wrist, which of course came with multiple orthopedic visits as well; potential aspirin poisoning; and my personal favorite, the bleeding eye).

He is also the reason we will right these wrongs NOW. We will not burden him in the future with student loans b/c of poor parental planning. We will not start his adulthood behind the curve. We are doing the hard work now not only for us, but for him and his future. And that includes teaching him about money and teaching him that he cannot have everything in life handed to him.

Plus, if we don't get ahead of the curve now, we will never be able to provide him with a sibling. That is our reality.

Oh yeah! I remember you!

Sure signs that I've returned to the Atrocious Land of PMS:

• Lower abdominal pain aka The Beast Has Awoken
• Going to bed at 9 pm three straight nights b/c I'm completely exhausted for no reason even though I've been consistently taking vitamins, drinking water, and taking better care of myself in general
• Going from tracking my calories to 4 hours later consuming an entire box of Crunch 'n Munch in one sitting, and then following it up with a snack size bag of Cool Ranch Doritos
• Taking 1/2 a Lortab every other night

My body is now engaged in a war of the mini-pill battling the endo beast in a post-Lupron environment, resulting in a guessing game of when the most unwelcome visitor of all will return.

Next time, Emily, the correct answer is, "Yes, sign me up for the hysterectomy!"

Sins of the Finances: Chapter 2

In retrospect I'm kinda picturing the first 5 years of our marriage as us running around waving our arms above our heads, running into walls and doing the SpongeBob war-whoop. Unorganized, fly-by-the-seat-of-the-pants life living. It's not that we were partying it up all the time, we just weren't planning and budgeting wisely. Some of the big purchases I remember making were home upgrades that included flooring for 3/4ths of our house (I was going to pay it off with the tax refund, but I feel pretty sure that this did not happen as the labor to put all that flooring down took the majority of it) and materials to update both bathrooms, including 2 pedestal sinks, new faucets, 2 toilets, wall tile and floor tile. Other notable entries in this chapter include the yearly PCB vacations as well as too many vehicle trade-ins.

But I think things really started to go downhill in a hurry in 2005. As you probably know, that was the year we were pursuing Elliott's adoption. All my energy was focused on the process and financing it. But that took my attention away from normal avenues, and the lack of attention just made the already not well organized situation that much worse. Plus, I'm pretty sure everything I bought for the baby we so desperately waited for was charged. Just with a quick mental review I come up with the following items:

• Baby bed hardware
• Baby mattress
  
• Baby bedding
• Fabric, fabric, fabric
• Bookcase
• Hamper
• Rug
• Clothes
• (Not to mention paint, supplies, etc.)

This accountability stuff is hard work.

FIFTY! F-I-F-T-Y! 50!

I have NEVER, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever been FIFTY! days without Dr. Pepper. I mean, FIFTY!

Sins of the Finances: Chapter 1

"He who fails to plan is planning to fail."
--Winston Churchill

I've spent the last few months in deep reflection following reading The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. And yes, I used to poo-poo on Dave, and though I still have a few issues with a few of his preachings, I am now at a point in my life where I am ready to tackle our financial problems. More importantly, I first accepted, with blinding clarity, that there was a problem that needed fixing and fast!

We all know about "Keeping up with the Joneses." And though I really don't think that I fall into that trap very often, I do fall into the trap of "Cultural Expectations." I really like the way Dave explains the latter one. I fell for many. I realized not long ago that when we were thinking about buying our first house, not only did I want us to have our own house but I also wanted to prove something to...exactly who I'm not sure. "See, I'm successful. I may not be a lawyer or another easy to check box, but I'm successful." I also wanted a baby really badly, so I'm lumping a small percentage of want under nesting.

But let me back up, because it makes the most sense to start at the beginning.

Doug and I started dating the same month that I moved out of my parents' house and in with three friends. Interesting that we met at the same time in my life when I first had to pay (a portion of) rent, utilities, groceries, etc. I worked part-time as a student worker on campus making minimum wage. I have no idea what minimum wage was back then, but I know that 20 hours of work did not make for a very big paycheck. My college tuition was taken care of via scholarships and my college fund, and I did not have any student loans. My dad was helping me by paying for my car, insurance and a little bit of cash toward groceries. Looking back, I am not at all surprised at where my first credit card balances came from.

Four months later, Doug and I got engaged, and the wedding planning began. My parents had no wedding fund planned. I tried very hard to walk the line of not wasting their money and still having the wedding I had always dreamed of. I paid for a good chunk of the little stuff, and $1000 was taken out of my college fund for wedding use. My parents took a hit to their CCs for the rest. As for my engagement ring, Doug sold his second vehicle (what 25 year old has two vehicles?) to buy it. But here is where it gets ugly. We financed our wedding bands (though we did pay them off during the "no interest" timeframe) and charged our honeymoon (TO JAMAICA) on a credit card. Yep, we did. Hear those cultural expectations anywhere? Surely you do, it's the note right before STUPIDITY.

So though we were blessed to be entering marriage with neither spouse having student loans, we did enter with debt. I think that closes out Chapter 1 pretty nicely.

And that quote at the top of the page? That is the theme of this "book" I am writing. Most of our financial sins fall squarely under that Failing to Plan heading. You'll see.

Sins of the Finances: Prologue

So I told you awhile back that I was going to be writing chapters on where our finances have gotten derailed through the years as both a measure of self-accountability as well as a tale of warning for others. But first, in order to pump myself up and to save a little face in your eyes, dear readers, I have decided to list the frugal areas of my life. So here goes.

Technology: Let's start with the cell phone. I had a cell phone from 1998-1999, but when I broke up with the corresponding year boyfriend, I had to get rid of the phone because the plan was tied through his mom (awkward). I didn't have another cell phone until the summer of 2003. Yes, you read that correctly. Since then I've had only THREE phones. A tiny Motorola that I loved but unfortunately submerged in a large glass of ice water, the really old Nokia (I forgot what happened to it), and now this baby Nokia:
All were free or maybe I paid $30 for one. I can't send texts (can receive, though), and the only "extra" I have on my plan is unlimited calling because of that one time I racked up well over 1000 minutes and had to pay a ridiculous amount of money. All that said, my bill is still $55/month, which I find quite ridiculous. Now I have to admit that I am majorly lusting after a Blackberry, at which point I would not only have texting but a data package...dare to dream! I'm holding out until we're out of debt. So in Doug's words, by then something much cooler will be out and the Blackberry will be cheap. HA! As stated before, I am definitely a late-adopter of technology. Always have been, always will be. I do have DSL at home for my computer, but there have been many, many periods of time when we have not. We have one flat screen TV that we only have because Doug insisted that was what we wanted for Christmas one year from his parents (the other two TVs in our house are old school). And we all know about the no satellite; I'm thinking I maybe should have titled this section electronics. You should also know that I get made fun of brutally at work for these things. I just smile because they've made it that much easier for me to holdout because now I'm just being stubborn!

Girly Stuff - Clothes: Let me start off by saying that when I talk about clothes and growing up, I tend to unintentionally make it sound like we were poor. We were not poor, but we did struggle in a middle-class kind of way. My little brother once regurgitated what my dad explained to him and went around saying we "had a cash flow problem." I love that. Anyway, we went shoppping once a year for new school clothes. And with three of us, the budget per child was not much. I can remember things like getting 3 pairs of jeans per year and one pair of tennis shoes. See, I realize this is so much better than true poor kids have it. But for attending a private school...this was hard stuff. Anyway, things like this obviously pave the way for how you react later in life. SR and ED, and I don't think they will mind me saying this, overcompensated and went clothes crazy once they were on their own. Maybe I would have too if I hadn't gotten married so young. I can honestly say that I can only remember a handful of times in the last 10 years that I went on a shopping spree, spending several hundred dollars on clothes at one time -- once was in the months prior to getting married, once was that horrible time Sara and I went to Old Navy to buy me pants in a whole new size (still depressed about that)...hmm, those are the only ones I can remember right now. There were a few more. SIDE NOTE: I am not including Elliott shopping trips in this description. I'm only talking about clothes for myself. Most of my clothes (mainly work pants) are Christmas presents from Doug's mom. Then I add a few shirts and pairs of shoes here and there. You can guarantee that I buy things on sale and usually cheap shoes. Until I'm old I'm sacrificing quality. Right now is the first time in a long time that I have 4 pair of jeans, and one of those pairs is about to bust out in the crotch from wear and one pair no longer has a button so I just wear a belt with them. Oh yeah, and one of those pairs I just got for my birthday. I can actually see the look of shock on some of your faces right now :)

Girly Stuff - Makeup: Now here is where my friends are going to die from contact embarrassment. I very rarely ever buy makeup. The things I do buy are as follows: (1) black "Love My Eyes" eyeliner pencil ($1 at Wal-Mart) which lasts me several months and (2) mascara that I also purchase at Wal-Mart. My mother-in-law buys enough department store makeup that she's always getting free eye shadow and lipstick, which she gives to me. And I'm boycotting base/foundation/powder/concealer for as long as I can until the wrinkles of my new decade force my hand. This is not to say that I haven't bought other stuff in the past. There was a short lived period (pre-Elliott) where I was buying Arbonne makeup and spending a pretty penny. But that would be considered an outlier if you plotted my habits over time.

As for other beauty products, I buy my mosturizer, which is the one thing I'm fanatical about, at Wal-Mart too. Oh, and perfume. This is hysterical. For some present years ago, Doug bought me the Paris Hilton perfume (stop laughing, it smells good!). Right before that bottle ran out, I discovered that Cato carries a knockoff of this perfume...for $10. So that's where I buy my perfume.

I never paint my fingernails because it looks awful on my man hands, and I only bother painting my toes during the summer. At this rate, I buy about one bottle of polish per year. I don't get manicures because I think it's a luxury or something to receive as a gift, and I don't get pedicures because of my left foot. If you don't know what I'm talking about, well too bad! ;)

Girly Stuff - Hair: I do get my hair cut every 4-8 weeks, but I only do that because my eyebrows have to be waxed accordingly to keep me from looking like a descendant of Big Foot's family. Both services combined cost me $40/trip. I don't color/highlight my hair for a few reasons: (1) it's too expensive, (2) it takes too much upkeep, and (3) back in the day when I used to do it myself, it took me so long to get it grown back out to prevent root issues that I swore that I wouldn't do it anymore. I'm sure my new decade will take it's toll eventually and then I'll have to start back, but I'm not there yet.

Girly Stuff - Accessories: The only jewelry I ever buy is costume, and most of what I have were gifts. Usually when I buy a purse it costs less than $15 and comes from Wal-Mart. And I either use it until it literally breaks or I store it and reuse it after another one breaks. The last department store purse I bought was in November 2005, and it was 1/2 off during Black Friday sales (it's the purse I'm toting today). Again, if you've seen me with a nice purse, it was a gift.

Well, I think that is sufficiently horrifying for today. Let me remind you since you are now shocked into forgetting the point of this that I am prepping myself for how and when I've spent money ridiculously. You can see it was pretty much not on myself. Not that that is much of a consolation prize. :)

Fat Tuesday 2010

Last year, like many years, I guzzled mass quantities of Dr. Pepper on Fat Tuesday in preparation for giving it up for Lent. However, this year I have not had a DP in FORTY-SEVEN DAYS! So, I will be giving up chocolate for Lent. And yes, I realize that I told all of you that I've been trying to go zero sugar since New Year's Day. However, please also reference that chocolate intake has been on the rise since the return of the beast.

I suddenly have a picture of a breaking news bulletin scrolling across the bottom of your monitor: "RUN AND HIDE! EMILY IS OFF DR. PEPPER AND CHOCOLATE! DANGER AHEAD!"

I amuse myself.

Backside Backslide

I'm back in my swimsuit bottoms again (sing to tune of Aerosmith's "Back in the Saddle Again"). And it's a good thing because the pants I have on today have been getting a little thin through the rear. The swimsuit bottoms are acting like high end compression drawers. Rock on.

My Life As a Student, Take Three

It should go without saying, but I will say it anyway. Being a student when you have a child/children is totally different. Not only are you sharing your brain between work, school, spouse and household duties, now you've added another, and more needy, person to the mix. Before, even when I was married, I could and would put school first. That partially explains why I've never had a good housecleaning routine -- first five years of marriage I was in school. On one hand, part of me is glad I can't be that obsessive about it this time. For instance, we played Memory the night before my first A&P exam. On the other hand, it is really hard on me not to be able to put school first and foremost again. Because, you see, making good grades is the only thing that I'm REALLY good at. A's are my drug. I'm not kidding. The high I get from an A is unbelievable. Unfortunately, like all drugs, the high doesn't last long enough, and then I need another one and another one. And that blemish on my record from Chem II from my second semester in 1999? It's the equivalent of getting busted for first offense. I'll never forget it, and I'll never stop regretting it. Pathetic, I know. But hey, what's an A addict to do?

Ding, Dong, the Lupron's Gone!

I successfully completed 5 months of Lupron treatment. I decided not to do the 6th month since the shot went up considerably ($) in the new year and because I had a follow-up visit on the same day as I would have taken the 6th shot. Final tally: 2 irrational crying spells and lots of hot flashes. Not too shabby.

On the flip side of the coin, THE BEAST HAS AWOKEN, and the countdown has begun to the return of the awful. I was explaining to Doug how I could already feel the different badness components, and he asked me how it differed from the Lupron. Here is what I've decided.

Lupron is like emotions/symptoms in a vaccum -- isolated and therefore stronger. But each one pretty much takes its own turn. A period of crying. Six weeks of brutal hot flashes. It's like being loyal to one kind of alcohol, but drinking lots of it.

PMS, on the other hand, is like what stupid boys concoct on Spring Break -- a cooler full of all the leftover alcohol that should never be mixed. A guzzle of bitchy, a shot of depression, a jigger of crying, a slug of bloated, and half a fifth of pelvic pain, all combined with a pretty swizzle stick and chugged through a funnel.

My chocolate intake from this point on will be listed under medicinal.

Not a Lost Cause After All

Domestic overall I am not. But there are some things that save me from worst wife, mother and housekeeper of the year. So, behold, the reorganized hall closet:



And the below addition of the message board and key holders made me so excited that I squealed, clapped and danced all at the same time, earning myself a look of pure bafflement from Doug:

Now, it's a good thing you can't see the rest of the house...

ONE MONTH!

I would like to point out that the DP tracker to the right now shows my accomplishment of abstaining from DP FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH! Woo hoo!

The scale and ticker at the top of the page, however, refuse to acknowledge my progress.