Who is driving this car?

Oh yeah...

Stuck like Glue

It's official: I'm stuck.  Something big is holding me back from checking off the To Do list.  I've felt this way before, and this is terrifying me.  Last time these feelings ended with a sit back for TWO YEARS before moving forward again.  Sadly, I found yet another round of info packets -- this time from 2008 and 2009 -- that I threw away this weekend.  I now have this feeling like what challenge is on the horizon that we don't know about?  [SHUDDER]

If you need me, I'm still here at the corner of Overwhelmed and Frustrated, which is better than the corner of OMG and WTH?.

Your prayers are appreciated.

My 40 Days Without Dirty Words

So Lent is over and I've once again experienced the beauty of Good Friday and Easter Sunday.  So how did I do giving up dirty words?  Good, but not great.  Turns out it is much harder to give up something non-tangible versus the kinds of things I usually give up (like chocolate, Dr. Pepper, etc.).  For the first few weeks I tried the ole' rubber band around the wrist, until it began to dissolve (gross!).  In the end I think I did pretty good.

Now let's get this #@^& week started! ;)

Standing at the Corner of Overwhelmed and Frustrated

I think there may be one or two of you out there wondering what in the devil is wrong with me, and why I do not have an update titled "APPLIED!" yet.  Quite frankly, I've hit a wall trying to just PREPARE to apply.  In letting my crazy circulate in my brain for the past week, I thought I would try and give you an example perhaps that would put my frustration into perspective.

Let me try to draw some parallels so that maybe I can get my point across.  For the purpose of this example I'm referring to a couple who is actively trying to get pregnant.  Let's say you had to do the basal body temperature charting, that you were not one of those who just *POOF!* got pregnant first try.  So all the months of charting is analogous to the months of research I do about which agencies, country, etc..except my research usually takes longer than a few months.  Now let's say that you are ready to have "sexy time" (phrase courtesy of LAS) to conceive.  

I'm sorry, there are steps you must complete before you can go any further.  First, we will need you to fill out a multi-screen online application and submit $300.  Just to be clear, this is the FIRST STEP.  The following documents will need to accompany said application:

• Three years worth of tax returns
• Birth certificates and marriage license
• Pictures of every room in your home and the exterior
• A signed and notarized copy of a 12-page legal agreement
• Forms from your doctors saying you are in good health...and for China, not considerably overweight
• Net worth statement including your monthly budget

Let that all sink in for a few minutes if you will.  And know that following accomplishing all of the above (and more, I left out some of the other paperwork), you will also have to meet with a social worker 4 times.  One of those times will include a visit to your home to make sure it is safe, etc.

So how have I spent the last 2 months?  I've been getting Doug's life insurance setup, working in and around the house, trying to get Doug a primary care physician since lately he's only seen his endocrinologist, and freaking out in general.  All to GET STARTED.  Oh yeah, and trying to fit all that in around my "regular" life.  

I need a revised Monopoly card: PASS GO, PAY THE $300!

You've Come a Long Way, Baby

Somebody's feelings are hurt that I haven't wished her a happy birthday this month...

You may have to click on this picture to fully appreciate how tiny Phillip was in 2009.

She's come a long way in two years!

I think she truly believes she is my baby.  

If we ever have another child, let's just say it's not Elliott's reaction I'm worried about...

In Relativity World, I'm Even Stephen.

I could be thinner...I could be fatter.

I could be in less debt...I could be in more debt.

I could make more money...I could make less money.

I could be more successful...I could be less successful.

I could be healthier...I could be sicker.


Just trying to find some perspective...

Pain is Weakness Leaving the Body

It is very apropos that last night's episode of The Biggest Loser featured a 5k since I just completed my very 1st 5k this weekend!  And no, I was not running through mixed-terrain in New Zealand, but the emotions were so very similar.  The feelings of "I can't believe I'm doing this"..."I never thought I would be a 'runner'"..."Being overweight and out of shape means I can't do things"...Powerful emotions.  It is something I have been wanting to do for about 3 years.  And a year ago my running buddy Van and I were about THIS CLOSE to beginning.  But the beginner's running course was offered at times that were not conducive to our commuter schedules.  Fast forward an entire year, and we joined said class together.  We trained for 5 weeks with the amazing Molly, and we were so happy to finish in 36:15!  We are now training for our 2nd 5k, and we are still in awe that we did it, that we stayed on track and completed this goal that was so important to us.  Not only was it an amazing journey for our individual selves, but it was a great journey to take together as cousins.   Maybe next time this huge milestone will actually include pictures!

I'm working on a new personal goal (no, nothing insane like running anything longer than a 5k), which I will share with you in time.

Title credit: U.S. Marine Corp

Who Wants a Piece of the Pie?

I had a realization a few weeks ago that I share info about my life in segments that I divvy out between my confidants. 

I wonder what a therapist would say about that?

Signs, Signs, Everywhere Signs? - Take 2

Remember this?

Well, ask and you shall receive.

A few days after writing the above post, I prayed on my way to work asking God to provide some VERY SPECIFIC signs that we are supposed to get moving on adoption #2.  That very day, I sat down to this image at lunch.  I also received an awesome IM peptalk from hello kissey.  I really, really wanted to share it with y'all, but my IM history is not cooperating.  Boo.  And last but certainly not least...

Some $ was unexpectedly given.  More to come on that.

So over the last month (March), my steps have been much more purposeful. Pre-steps to the big ones, if you will. And you may not understand it, but what appears to be a slow start is my very thoughtful approach to beginning the correct way.  Again, more to come on what I've been doing in March.

Last time, though I do remember exactly how much research I had previously done, when I thought we were ready to start I just stepped off that curb into traffic.  I didn't care if cars had to swerve to avoid me, and it's a good thing God looks after fools.  Because there I was, marching headfirst across that street, arms pumping, ready to run over any obstacle.  This time I find myself standing on the curb, very much noticing the traffic, licking a finger and checking the wind, searching my pockets for a compass, not willing to chance a false start.  It appears to be working.