I've Been on the Other Side

I returned to the sheriff's office at 7:45 this morning. This morning's dispatcher casually mentioned that there would be a $25 charge to be fingerprinted. Dang, I wish I had access to a mirror at that moment because I would have loved to see my face. First all encompassing thought is why didn't someone tell me that YESTERDAY. Next words out of my mouth, ever so bitchily: "I hope you take a check." Nope. Second instance of needing a mirror. Cash only. I muttered something about I've already been up here once, stalked out, went a couple of blocks down the street, took $25 out of my checking account, and returned. I'm not kidding you, when I got back in there I waved my crisp bills at her. Then she instructed me where to go pay and then to return to the Jail. UM, WHAT? So this time I'm not so obliging. "Will there be someone to assist me in the jail unlike last night?" And she said, "Yes, there shouldn't be anyone around there right now." I think she meant there would be no inmates out and about. And at that moment I realized exactly what female guard #2 had said last night: "They sent you up here at this time of day?" Aha, that is why they fingerprint until 3 pm. After that I suspect it conflicts with the inmates schedules. Seems my panic may have been justified.

So I walk back up that horrid ramp, precariously peering up to see if I will again be met with the site of striped pants. Free and clear. But when I reach the booth this time, he instructs me to go THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR. This door? This door right here? This door that is locked and that inmates were coming and going through last night? This door that has a note on it that no purses are allowed through it? THIS DOOR? But I went, and one guard makes me stand out of the way while he escorts a new inmate elsewhere. And I'm looking around at the phone where I suspect you get to make that one call, and I think for the second time in two days that maybe tours of this horrid place would make people think twice about committing crimes. My mind is going 90 to nothing when suddenly I think, is that Saved by the Bell I hear? Apparently one of the guards watches Saved by the Bell. Finally the man in the booth comes out, and let me say that he is a very nice man. He explained that they have a new kind of ink that works on paper but doesn't get on your clothes (shut your mouth!). I was shocked by their new technology. Granted it wasn't water and electronic prints in a sterile environment like at CIS, but at least I didn't leave looking like I'd been booked.

So friends, my fingerprints are once again on file, and I am now $25 less rich for a job that I will not get paid for. And my commitment to being a law abiding citizen has never been higher.