Just jump! *

In case you don't know me very well, let me just tell you that I'm a very visual person. So imagine I'm standing on the side of the swimming pool, and I'm 3 years old. I took swimming lessons when I was 3, which considering I now have a 3 [5] year old seems crazy amazing that I took lessons at that age. Anyway, I remember being required to jump in and swim some length. And I stood up there and whined and whined and procrastinated. I don't know why I was being such a chicken that day as I have always loved to swim, but that day I just could not get over my fear of leaping into that pool. Deep down I knew I could do it, but I could not get the message to the correct parts of my body. Just jump! Just go!

That is how I find myself after having committed to some degree already to this 2nd journey. We've been to the first meeting, I have the information for the initial application...and I have not worked on that application in the last week. My mom said, "Well, just tell me when you do start so I won't keep asking." Sheesh, no pressure. So I know what the problem is. Or should I say problems. One, I remember EXACTLY HOW HARD THIS IS GOING TO BE. And two and more prominently on my mind, I remember HOW HARD IT IS TO COME UP WITH $30k. And I am paralyzed by the $. Last time I had some savings to start with. I could make drastic life changes like getting a 2nd job. I can't do that this time, I have a 3 [5] year old who needs me. In all honesty, I can't even turn in the initial application until I come up with $500 $300*. Which I guess I should put into perspective that we are going on vacation in a few weeks, so don't feel too sorry for me. But I have no idea what to do this time. I am trying to live by the verse I had taped to my fridge last time:

"But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." -- Philippians 4:19

Breathe in, breathe out. Think happy money appearing thoughts...

* Editor's note: This post was written 6-23-09. Some edits were made above. Don't worry, the negativity will take a turn soon.  Hang with me!